No Judgie

Once in a while I’m going to vent under this heading “The Shiz” so be warned…if you don’t want to hear someone bitch and complain about stuff, don’t click on The Shiz to the right. Also be warned…my venting might not make much sense because I’m gonna just lose it here and let it all out like this keyboard is my BFF.

Today I am pissed. I am pissed because I am raising my kids in a era of fear. An era of paranoia and an era of judgement. There are so many avenues this topic goes for me so I will do my best to keep it on a one lane street today.   Here goes:

A mother told me not too long ago that I give my kids too long a leash. Fear! She is a mother at the Elementary School where my children go. To me, this statement is absurd. If I wasn’t so concerned about the judgement I would face on the reg, believe me, their leashes would be wrapped around trees, through tunnels and over mountains but I have a plethora of mother’s eyes keeping those reigns in tight. Well, tighter than I would like.

Another mother mentioned to me recently, “I never see you at pick up or drop off anymore”. I told her “I just drop the boys off at the road now…I kick them out of the car as I roll by hahaha”. (They are ages 6 & 8) “If they can’t find the way to their classroom from the street, then we have big problems”. Her response was (kinda sarcastically) “Until you get the call one day that your child didn’t make it to class”. Paranoia!

At a park recently, a mother kept looking over at me whenever Knox (3 years) yelled for help. He was climbing around on the jungle thingie and Cash & Jude were there as well. Every time he hollered, Cash or Jude would naturally run over and help him get unstuck or lift him up to where he wanted to go. This is, in my opinion, how it should roll. I want Cash & Jude to know some responsibility. I want them to watch out for their little bro and if I’m doing everything for Knox, maybe they won’t learn that. Maybe they will but for the sake of allowing me to sit on a bench at the park and read a book let’s just say they won’t. Back to this mom… she asked me if Knox was ok at one point. He was on a balance beam dealio. It was about a foot and a half off the ground and I assured her he would be fine. He fell off. She scurried over to help him and he was all good, not crying and actually a bit confused when he looked up and saw it was she who had grabbed him. I could tell she was disturbed by my lack of effort and I was forced to get up and walk over to him because of …her Judgement.

I love my kids more than anything else in this little life of mine. I am certain I have never ever loved anything more. They are good kids. Without sounding too braggy but to explain that I have not raised them like animals with no rules or manners, they are polite, social, team players and to date have received amazing reviews from their teachers with regards to how they behave in class. I have faith in these boys. I know them well and I trust their instincts in certain areas. I generally know what they are and are not capable of and sometimes they even surprise me with how responsible they can be and with their ability. I am pretty confident most parents feel the same way about their own kids and I trust those parents to make decisions based on what they know and how they feel. All I want is to not be made to feel like a terrible parent because I let my kids walk to the store for some candy on a sunny afternoon. That’s it really. I don’t care in the least if someone wants to walk their child to school in the 12th grade if that’s what they are comfortable with. Just please don’t judge the parent that has their child taking the bus home on their own in the 5th.

That’s it. I’ve vented. I will be back. With more bitching. I promise.

Oh and lastly (and most importantly)… More worry does not equal more love.


12 Comments on “No Judgie

  1. I won’t comment on the actual parenting thing cause I’m not a parent and will probably get the “judgie” if I do… BUT Karen I love your parenting skills and can only hope to be just like you when the time comes.

    • I was soooo not fishing for compo’s but I’ll take it. You’ll be excellent. All your priorities are in the right place and you love so unconditionally. Look at how Knox’s face lights up when you’re around…it’ll be ten fold when it’s your kid and you walk in the room. They’ll go berserk!

  2. Karen,
    Everyone of your boys are proof that you got it down sister, you look those judgie B’s in the eyes and slap them! Just kidding, I wouldn’t want you to hurt your hand.

    For your boys to live without that looming feeling of tension parents give off daily because of their own paranoia and fears and tight ass leashes is a gift you give them.

    “Children are people, and they should have to reach to learn about things, to understand things, just as adults have to reach if they want to grow in mental stature. Life is composed of lights and shadows, and we would be untruthful, insincere, and saccharine if we tried to pretend there were no shadows. Most things are good, and they are the strongest things; but there are evil things too, and you are not doing a child a favor by trying to shield him from reality.” -Walt Disney

    • Welling up reading your Disney quote. I thought it was you and I was all “Dayum Nic, you good”. I love you, I love our friends and I will always love all of the kids. They are loved equally by their parents but we all do it a bit different. That’s ok. That’s my point. As long as they are shown love, given a safe place to grow and know respect for others their hearts should be good for life right? We all supply that for our kids. The rest is extra. Kisses to the boys Nik and mucho love to you.

  3. Oh I am loving these vent sessions. Keep em coming! Your boys are amazing and proof of your great parenting. I feel mothers need to stop all the judgements of eachother and be more supportive of one another . I have definatley become more relaxed as my kids get older. I have learned a thing or two just watching you with your boys. As for those annoying judgemental mothers they can f *%# off. Lol

    • Lol…T I love you. I know…it’s a shitty thing to be judged and I was so guilty of it early on. I remember the early days but as my boys have grown I’ve learned that we are all just doing our best. We love these little guys more than anything. Some people just have a harder time letting the kids go (future post) and that’s fine. To each their own. And you’re little guys are dynamite too…Milla is going to keep you on your toes and I LOVE her for it. She’ll be a tough little monkey. “Sorry boys” K xox

  4. When my daughter was 15, an across-the-street neighbour told me that she thought my daughter had too much freedom for a 15 year-old. Her own daughter moved from west coast to east as soon as she was out of high school, has never returned, and to this day the across-the-street mother grieves. My daughter, on the other hand, living as challenging an existance as any of us, regularly meets up with me, welcomes me into her life, introduces me to her friends, loves mine, and…(hee hee) borrows my money any time she’s broke.

    Trust your instincts, Karen. You are a very good mother.

    • I learned from the best Auntie P. I LOVED the way you guided Zoe. I LOVED the way you did a lot of things. Thank f’ing God I have you in my life (excuse the implied French). KP xox

    • I loved this article and if you lived in my neighbourhood our kids would play for hours together with great imagination, creativity and without fear. Well done.

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